A season for everything

I know that there are some things in life that we don't need to understand. I know that God works in mysterious ways and uses what He needs to for our eyes to be opened. But it is still so hard to grasp that death of yet another teenager in our area is what He chooses to use to draw us to Him.

So far in the past couple of months, 5 teenagers have been called away from the earth in our area. We are unsure of how their hearts were focused, but should that hold us back from our reaction to the loss? Of course it is going to be difficult on the people who were close to these and to the ones who were driving these cars who were the only survivors in their crashes, but what do we do when something like this does happen?

My first reaction? Pray for the families. They need God's strength. Who am I kidding? They need GOD. Period. He has such a peculiar way of working things out. Honestly, I have been to more funerals in the past year than I have in my entire life. And each time, it gets me thinking. I start thinking about if that was me that was in a wreck that took my life. Who's life would it effect if I weren't here anymore, but most importantly, who wouldn't notice because I didn't choose to make an impact in their life? I want my life to be an example of how Christ would have me to live. I want to leave a legacy. My main goal while I'm here is that in everything I do, that God would gain the glory.

In times...

Lately it seems as if everything I can think of is just falling before me...decisions I must make, things I have to choose that will help determine my near future. They seem so futile, but it is in those moments that I realize how much more I know I NEED God, my Father, Dad, to be right there next to me, encouraging me to keep pressing on--to keep moving forward with what He has planned for me rather than worry about what I have in mind.

My heart has been so heavy lately and sometimes it feels like I have no idea what is going on inside of me, but I think that is just because there is so much that is going on that it is overwhelming on some level. I just want to sit and cry sometimes until no more tears come out, but then reality hits...I'm supposed to be the one who is always strong and never cries right? I am the one who doesn't show that emotion. I am slowly...slowly learning that it is ok to cry. Believe me when I say that it is a slow process. It isn't something that I am ok with doing.

God's strength is more evident to me when I want to cry more than any time, but I also know more in those times than ever that I can just fall into His arms and trust that He is faithful in all circumstances--good and trying. He holds me when I want to cry, He comes looking for me even when I stray and He cares for me always.